A Man robbed himself on street during an act of self-debasement.
A Florida man called ‘Low’ robbed himself today on the street, outside a drug store. He forced the victim to the ground, taking his money and leaving him with cuts and bruises all over. Police were on the scene quickly but it turned out the criminal had long since fled the scene. Police are looking for a man, very similar in appearance to the actual victim. They issued a statement saying he has Blond Hair, is about 6’2 in height and is wearing a white jacket. It is said to be the first case of its kind in USA – which is a rarity when it comes to random acts of violence.
Source - Totally Bullshit News
Thursday, October 30, 2008
NEWCASTLE SOLD TO AN ICELANDIC CONSORTIUM FOR UNDISCLOSED AMOUNT
Newcastle has been sold to Iceland for a bid estimated to be worth 1-2 pounds. When I say Newcastle, I mean Newcastle Brown Ale, an old bottle of it, that was lying around. A Newcastle man, who shall remain nameless, found a bottle under his mattress and sold it to an Icelandic dude who was coming over to work. .In a statement the Icelandic Foreign Minister said ‘He regretted not buying it sooner’. Meanwhile, Newcastle Football club is still up for sale.
Friday, October 24, 2008
AS SEEN ON CNN - HUGE OBAMA PUPPET IN OHIO
Whoever made thia huge Obama Puppet must have had a lot of time on their hands - good one!
THE IRISH SINGING PRIESTS SIGN FOR SONY IN 2 MILLION DOLLARS RECORD DEAL - IS THIS WRONG?
It sounds like a joke, and yes, it perhaps should be a joke, except 2 Million Dollars is NO JOKE.
You could call them New Clergymen on the Block: three Roman Catholic priests from Northern Ireland who on occasion swap their rosary beads for microphones and their parishes for studio time.
Fathers Eugene O'Hagan and Martin O'Hagan, who are brothers, and David Delargy have been in the priesthood for some 20 years. But they've been singing together since their early teens.
In February they recorded a demo in Belfast which they sent off -- as Eugene O'Hagan puts it -- to "the powers that be." Sony BMG responded almost instantly with a very nice offering indeed, a record deal reportedly to the tune of somewhere north of $2 million.
Job Vacancies Kerry
Job Vacancies Cork
You could call them New Clergymen on the Block: three Roman Catholic priests from Northern Ireland who on occasion swap their rosary beads for microphones and their parishes for studio time.
Fathers Eugene O'Hagan and Martin O'Hagan, who are brothers, and David Delargy have been in the priesthood for some 20 years. But they've been singing together since their early teens.
In February they recorded a demo in Belfast which they sent off -- as Eugene O'Hagan puts it -- to "the powers that be." Sony BMG responded almost instantly with a very nice offering indeed, a record deal reportedly to the tune of somewhere north of $2 million.
Job Vacancies Kerry
Job Vacancies Cork
Sunday, October 19, 2008
SHOCKING !! - NORTH KOREA BIDS 1 BILLION FOR MAN UTD - SALE PENDING
So - where do we go from here? Man Utd Sold to North Korea - Old Trafford set to me moved there brick by brick.....funny or awful?
Saturday, October 18, 2008
HILARIOUS SCOTTISH STAR TREK - 17/10/2008 - FUNNY AND HILARIOUS GLASWEGIAN STYLE
This is really Hilarious. A full crew of mad scottish people.
TINA FEY ON LETTERMAN - SNL - NEW SKETCHES - FUNNY STUFF
This is the New Interview with Tina Fey - hilarious.
Europe TEFL ESL English Language Jobs Employment
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Europe TEFL ESL English Language Jobs Employment
Asia TEFL ESL English Language Jobs Employment
Ireland Job Vacancies Employment Listings
South America TEFL ESL English Language Jobs Employment
America Job Listings Employment Vacancies
Ireland Vacations and Travel Website
Thursday, October 16, 2008
101 WAYS TO PISS PEOPLE OFF - GUARANTEED
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
English Language Jobs Asia
English Language Jobs Europe
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
English Language Jobs Asia
English Language Jobs Europe
THE WEEKLY DIARY OF JOHN MCCAIN - SECRETS REVEALED
MONDAY
Today, I became a liberal-minded, conservative traditionalist with no ties to Washington. I must remember that.
TUESDAY
Today, I was a straight-talking senator from Arizona (and 8 other places...maybe 9, wait, I'll have to check that for you). Then I was a Vietnam War Hero(I like that) - later I must meet some Mexicans trying to get Visas...no, one minute, I must make a call.....
WEDNESDAY
I met with four groups today, to which I pledged my support. Them NRA / Moose Hunting / Save the Whale / Drill for Oil / Conservation groups, sure seem like nice fellows.
THURSDAY
Animal Rights / Abortion rights supporters keep calling me. For what?
FRIDAY
This morning I met 3 unemployed people whose families were completely devastated by the closure of their factory. It was only an hour later that we discovered my wife laid them off. Trying to be a voice for the oppressed and a friend to the oppressors can be surprisingly difficult.
SATURDAY
11 missed called from G. W. What's this guys problem? Do the words F**k Off mean anything to him?
SUNDAY
I attended church today for the first time. It scared the shit out of me. Who the hell is Jesus and why has he so many lobbyists? Nobody told me about him...I must call my lawy...I mean my friends.
Today, I became a liberal-minded, conservative traditionalist with no ties to Washington. I must remember that.
TUESDAY
Today, I was a straight-talking senator from Arizona (and 8 other places...maybe 9, wait, I'll have to check that for you). Then I was a Vietnam War Hero(I like that) - later I must meet some Mexicans trying to get Visas...no, one minute, I must make a call.....
WEDNESDAY
I met with four groups today, to which I pledged my support. Them NRA / Moose Hunting / Save the Whale / Drill for Oil / Conservation groups, sure seem like nice fellows.
THURSDAY
Animal Rights / Abortion rights supporters keep calling me. For what?
FRIDAY
This morning I met 3 unemployed people whose families were completely devastated by the closure of their factory. It was only an hour later that we discovered my wife laid them off. Trying to be a voice for the oppressed and a friend to the oppressors can be surprisingly difficult.
SATURDAY
11 missed called from G. W. What's this guys problem? Do the words F**k Off mean anything to him?
SUNDAY
I attended church today for the first time. It scared the shit out of me. Who the hell is Jesus and why has he so many lobbyists? Nobody told me about him...I must call my lawy...I mean my friends.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
ICESAVE AGREEMENT REACHED WITH UK - ICELAND ON THE BRINK OF BANKRUPTCY
Ok guys, this might not seem funny, in fact it isn't, but for it to be breaking news gives us some indication of how crazy and insane the world has gone. Banks giving money back to the savers - wow!! For more go to -
CLICK HERE FOR SKY NEWS HEADLINES
CLICK HERE FOR SKY NEWS HEADLINES
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
PLUMBING JOKES COLLECTION- GREAT AND DIRTY PLUMBER HUMOR - FUNNY
A proud father was showing a fellow worker a picture of his five grown sons.
His friend asked what they did for a living. The father said the older two are doctors and the youngest two are lawyers.
The friend asked about the middle son and the father said,
"Oh, he's a plumber. Someone had to pay for all the others educations."
A good flush beats a full house every time.
A plumber is the only guy I know who can take a leak....
....and fix it also!"
Your crap is my family's bread & butter."
In what way is a Doctor & Plumber alike? They both bury their mistakes.
How many plumbers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three... A boss to tell a plumber, a plumber to tell a helper, a helper to get his electrician friend to do it on the side.
Two... One to get the beer and one to call the electrician.
His friend asked what they did for a living. The father said the older two are doctors and the youngest two are lawyers.
The friend asked about the middle son and the father said,
"Oh, he's a plumber. Someone had to pay for all the others educations."
A good flush beats a full house every time.
A plumber is the only guy I know who can take a leak....
....and fix it also!"
Your crap is my family's bread & butter."
In what way is a Doctor & Plumber alike? They both bury their mistakes.
How many plumbers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three... A boss to tell a plumber, a plumber to tell a helper, a helper to get his electrician friend to do it on the side.
Two... One to get the beer and one to call the electrician.
BLONDE BUILDER - CONSTRUCTION JOKES - HUMOR
Two blonde builders were working on a house.
One blonde was on a ladder nailing. Each time she reached into her nail pouch and pulled out a nail, she'd look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood.
The other blonde watched for a while, puzzled. Then she couldn't stand it any longer and yelled up, "Why are you throwing some of the nails away?"
The first blonde explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it safely!"
The second blonde got very frustrated at this and started to call her all kinds of names. She explained, "Don't throw away the nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house!"
One blonde was on a ladder nailing. Each time she reached into her nail pouch and pulled out a nail, she'd look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood.
The other blonde watched for a while, puzzled. Then she couldn't stand it any longer and yelled up, "Why are you throwing some of the nails away?"
The first blonde explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it safely!"
The second blonde got very frustrated at this and started to call her all kinds of names. She explained, "Don't throw away the nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house!"
CLASSIC BUILDERS JOKES - FUNNY WHEELBARROW HUMOR
A strong young man is standing around with the other old timers boasting about how he can carry more that everyone there.
One Ol timer bets him one weeks wages that he can wheel something in that wheelbarrow that that young punk could never carry.
The young guy boasts "your on old man!!"
With that the old timer puts out his hand and says...."Get in."
One Ol timer bets him one weeks wages that he can wheel something in that wheelbarrow that that young punk could never carry.
The young guy boasts "your on old man!!"
With that the old timer puts out his hand and says...."Get in."
Sunday, October 5, 2008
RICHARD PRYOR SKETCHES SELECTION - BEST SHOWS
ABOUT PRISON - Richard Pryor talks about making a movie in prison, murderers, and racist groups.
RICHARD PRYOR - THE MAFIA
RICHARD PRYOR - THE MAFIA
BILLY CONNOLLY - OLD AND LIVE SKETCHES - TICKETS
BILLY CONNOLLY - SCROTUMS
BILLY CONNOLLY - MASTURBATION
BILLY CONNOLLY - MASTURBATION
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